I think, if we didn’t know, we at least suspected, I would be in the need of legal counsel for much of my life. Perhaps that is why you decided to become a lawyer. Well, the counsel I have turned out needing may not have been the type we thought I would need, but it is a need none-the-less.
Today’s legal question: Our tradition or custom or at least regular practice on the way to school each morning has been to alternate who gets to sit in the front seat. Today Cole raised the question (from the back seat) as to why we did that rather than simply allowing the oldest, him, to always sit in the front. I, in a moment of complete stupidity, said, “I hear your point. State your case.” To which he quickly replied:
1. Look at the sign on the visor, which says children 12 and under should sit in the back seat. (He expanded on the concept with the logic that the most loving thing to do is protect your child and that to allow someone under 13 to sit in the front is at the least unloving and perhaps even criminal.) 2. That the oldest should lead the way and experience things before the younger. There should be some distinction and developmental progress to maturing. (Not exactly his words).
My initial reaction was amazement at how well he thought out and articulated his argument and then my response was; “I think you have a very good point and you have stated your case well, but I just don’t think it is an argument you can win.” He obviously asked, “why not” to which I said, “Well, the truth is it would be just too hard to undo what we have already started.” He said, “That is not right”. He didn’t say it in an argumentative way. He said it in a grieved stating of a horrific injustice that might be the way it is, but it certainly not the way it should be.
As we reached the school and the kids unloaded, Summer from the front and Cole from the back. Cole simply said, “Just think about it”, which I assured him I would. So I am writing for wise legal counsel on the most appropriate course of action. (I use the word appropriate in the place of right for I fear my birth order may prejudice my interpretation of what is right) During this thought process I couldn’t help but realize I am having a logical debate with my soon to be 14 year old son about his wanting to have the right to sit in the front seat. In the first place to have a logical discussion with a teenage is a miracle in and of it self. The fact that we are talking and not fighting is proof that there is a God and that the independence he is seeking is to sit in the front sit is a blessing which should not be taken for granted or over looked. So while I am tempted to dismiss the whole thing as “no big deal” I am reminded of how the issues beneath the surface are huge and if some satisfaction is not found the methods of searching will certainly escalate. OR maybe they are going to escalate anyway. Please send sound legal advise before school lets out today.
(the following comments are published WITHOUT permission – probably against legal advise)
Comments: From: Jeffrey Hanson Sent: Friday, January 05, 2007 9:04 AM I will take this matter under consideration and get back to you, but my initial reaction is to make two observations. First, in this instance Cole reminds me of another older brother. Second, that other older brother is clearly (and correctly) concerned about the passion that can be fueled and the frustration that can stew as the result of a parental answer or action,which cannot withstand logical scrutiny.
Finally, you will see that I am seeking additional outside counsel from someone who can help analyze the issues from the broader perspective of a three child family.
Comment: From Jay Jordon
Or you could just yell at him and say, “Quit the whining before I get out the yard stick!” Let me give that a few moments of thought. I am amazed at the maturity and my first reaction is that I would like to see the behavior rewarded and encouraged in some way. The other thing that I am amazed at is the other rider in the front seat is not quoted below as immediately objecting to the mear thought of such a request. Perhaps the objection was not verbalized in this email, but if there really was no verbal and disdaining objection, then even allowing the conversation to take place is another sign of maturity and young wisdom. It would be interesting to me to know what the conversation would be if the younger child was taken aside and asked, “This seems like it is important to Cole, what do you think I should do?” I suppose that this issue is two fold for the older brother, one is the establishment of sibling hierarchy within the family, but also being seen as having social status in front of his peers. I’ll think it over as I run an errand.
Comment: From: Jeffrey Hanson Sent: Fri 1/5/2007 9:12 AM
Isn’t there a way to make their mom take them?
Comment: From: Kim Hanson Sent” Fri 1/5/2007
I took them for the first 6 years, now it’s your turn.
