I am leaving on a Jet Plane

 

Tomorrow at 5:00am Kim and I leave for a week in a cabin with no electricity in Colorado. We are both very excited about all the possibilities for this time, but we are approaching the opportunity very differently. We are going into it wanting and thus expecting such different outcomes. How do we manage to find that happy balance of meeting both our desires?

 

Clarifying expectations is so important yet it is seldom done effectively and there in lies much of our dissatisfaction in life. We fail to communicate our expectations or fail to do the honest examination required to make our expectations realistic and as a result fail to get our expectations met. Lately it seems like I continually meet with people who are unhappy. Initially they can’t decipher why, but eventually they discover “their expectations” have not been met.  Why are we so reluctant to really admit what we want? Are we even really aware of our driving inner desires? I have this theory that our expectations determine everything. Dissatisfaction is merely unmet expectation. Excellence is surpassed expectations. The same experience, the same service in story, the same meal in a restaurant is experienced differently by different people depending entirely on their expectation.

 

Now I am not suggesting the key to happiness is merely having low expectations of everything, but I am saying we need to be aware of our expectations. Name them.  Examine them. See if they are appropriate. See if they are realistic. Sometimes I wonder, why do we always have to have so many expectations? Sometimes can’t we just let things be whatever they turn out to be?

 

Anyway, I will let you know how it turns out.

Navigating Change

My Son, Cole, is continuing to teach me through his learning to drive. Recently, I noticed how we change lanes differently. He, being the thoughtful careful one, slows down whenever he changes lanes. I, on the other hand, speed up when I change lanes. Now I suppose a good logical argument could be made for either approach, but the real lesson has more to do with life than driving.

 

I hope I am not simply attempting to defend my actions. My aim is to help all of you with whom my life is so beautifully connected to better understand how and why I behave the way I do. I speed up when I change. It doesn’t matter what change I am facing, when change is necessary I move faster. The increased momentum provides me greater balance. The reason for change, to me, comes from looking ahead and seeing the need or necessity to be in a different place. Looking ahead you can see what is and what isn’t there. The danger, the uncertainty, for me, of change is not in the future it is in the moment or even in breaking with the past. In other words, the risk comes from what is gaining on you from behind or what lays hidden beside you. So I speed up as I change to keep from hitting the hidden things around me. The rapid forward progress pushes me past the blind spots toward the open space out front.

 

For many people, perhaps most, the tension and uncertainty created by change makes slowing down the only logical option. To speed up seems reckless and dangerous.  So to those who for whatever reason have ended up riding through life with me, buckle up because I speed up when I change.

 

Do you speed up or slow down when you change lanes in life?

Honest Confessions & Fresh Starts

My son, Cole, just got his learners license which awakes all types of new emotions for both of us. I am excited by his excitement and glad that he is moving toward this new level of mobility and freedom and I am very aware of the resulting freedom Kim and I will enjoy. The role of teaching Cole to drive seems to have defaulted to me and I and that is where my confession begins.  

Cole has also decided to pick up the sport of tennis and has asked me to take him to play on several occasions. Again I am excited about this opportunity to be with Cole and the chance to return to the court my self. I spent several summers teaching tennis when I was in college. I have coached Cole in everything he has ever done, but this is a completely new endeavor for him and thus a chance for me to have a fresh start.

 

These new adventures have caused me to reflect over my previous attempts to invest in my son and have forced me to confess that I have not done a good job. I have tried hard. In fact, I have tried so hard that it has hurt more than it has helped. Looking back I have discovered that I have been too much of a coach to Cole and not enough Dad. He doesn’t need so much instruction from me. He needs love and encouragement.

 

So I am admitting my failure in the past and trying to keep from making the same mistakes in these new endeavors. They present me with a clean slate to become my boy’s biggest fan and loudest voice of encouragement. It is a different way to show love than I am accustomed, but I know it’s how he can receive it from me so I am going to learn to speak a new language.

 

How do those you love receive love? I am discovering that if you really love someone you will take the time to learn how they need to be loved and then love them that way.

You would be better if you did

You may not know Jeffrey Waters, but your life would be better if you did. You probably wouldn’t guess it at first blush and if you knew him back when you certainly wouldn’t have predicted it, but he is one of the wisest men I know. There was this one time when I had reached the end of my rope and had no idea of what to do or where to turn and in all honesty was paralyzed by despair. I needed some chairs, lots of chairs, and I could not find any anywhere. I walked into a room and in utter frustration proclaimed, “I give up! I can’t find any chairs. ” Jeffrey simply smiled down from some scaffolding where he was working and simply said, “Well, I guess it’s time for you to go pray some up.”  You see Jeffrey understood in a way that most of us don’t.

 

Last night I was leading a small group and asked the classic question: “If you could have a personal audience with Jesus and could ask him anything you wanted what would you say to him?”  That is a good question for us all to take a minute to ponder. What would you want to know? What mystery would you like revealed? What insight would you like uncovered? What would you say? Seriously, think about that for a moment. How would you use that opportunity?

 

Jeffrey answered immediately. He knew right away what he would say. Jeffrey said, “If I had a personal audience with Jesus I would say I am sorry!”

 

Jeffrey understands in a way most of us don’t.

 

By the way I did go pray for chairs and the phone literally rang while I was praying and we got all the chairs we needed absolutely free.

Conforming

I bought a car one time that I never intended to keep for very long. I had just changed jobs and had to travel a lot so I needed a vehicle that I could take on the road. But the stress indicators in my life were high. Within about two or three months: we moved into a new home, I started a new job, our one-year son had brain surgery and we had a baby girl. 

 

Obviously buying a car was not a high priority.  I picked out a little used white Honda civic. My first car out of college had been a BMW and then I traded to a classic red CJ7 Jeep with tons of personality. So when I bought this little civic I remember thinking, “I better never become this car”.

 

Soon “The pill”, which it was named because it looked like a little capsule became synonymous with me. I think I had the car for 8 or 9 years. It took me to two seminaries in two different states, both different than the one in which I lived.

 

I know we aren’t the cars we drive or the clothes we wear, but have you ever noticed how pet owners start looking like their pets? We conform to stuff and that scares me.  My Church is buying a building. We need it. It will provide us with incredible opportunities and I think it is a great thing. But I hope we don’t conform to it. Besides the fact that it is really ugly, we must fight the temptation to think the building is the church. WE ARE THE CHURCH. The building is just where the Church meets. I am trying to get our staff to not refer to this new location as “The Chapel”, but rather as “the place where The Chapel meets”. Some might think it only a small mater of semantics, but I think the concept is huge.

 People still ask about “the Pill”.

Growing?

This week I read a great book by Howard Hendricks entitled, “Teaching to Change lives”.  In the book he commented that you will not grow if you are not reading. (Just so you know he would define reading to include books, people, circumstances.) I was completely with him, but then he added this twist on the logic. If you are reading and not growing then you are reading too much and you are reading too much if you are not reflecting enough. Taking in information but not translating it into your life isn’t really learning. Consistent growth requires a constant processing and assimilating of new insights.  

So here are my reflections on this book:

#1 The law of the teacher: “If you stop growing today you will stop teaching tomorrow.”

#2 The Law of education: “The way people learn determines how you teach”

            Goal #1 – Teach people how to think

            Goal #2 – Teach people how to learn

            Goal #3 – Teach people how to work  

#3 The law of activity: “Maximum leaning is always the result of maximum meaningful

involvement.”

#4 The law of communication: “Find common ground with your students”

Ø      All communication has 3 components: intellectual, emotional, volition.

o       (thought, feeling, action)

Ø      “If I know something thoroughly, feel it deeply, and am doing it consistently, I have great potential for being an excellent communicator of it.”

#5 The law of the heart: “Teaching that impacts is not head to head but heart to heart”

Ø      Who you are as a person, your character is what makes what you say credible to your students

Ø      Your passion about what you say is what makes your students motivated to learn.

Ø      “You can impress people at a distance, but you can impact them only up close and the closer you are to them the greater and longer lasting the impact.”

 There are actually two more laws, which are just as good. I thought I would let you read those for your self.

Goodbye Rebecca

Another one of my friends died today. I have had more friends die this year than I care to remember. Actually Rebecca was really more the sister of my friend, but right now it feels like she was my best friend. Death has a way of doing that. The finality, at least from this side, of it seems to make the emotional ties stronger and more intense.

 

We were in our staff meeting when I got the call to let me know she had died. Several of us cried and the others prayed. Maybe the tears were our prayers.  There has been a lot of stuff happening lately that really makes me what to remind us all to live life to the fullest and grab every chance you get to show those you love how special they are to you.

 Take the time today to notice your feelings. Think about how special people are to you and make sure you spend your time on the things that are really important to you.

God prepares us!

The church where I am the pastor is facing another huge step of faith. Most of the people don’t even know it yet but we are moving into a time when our faith will be tested and we will be call to act on what we say we believe. It is the Degree all in moment. 

I am scared but excited as I prepare to lead my friends on this journey. God has clearly told me that the process is more important than the answer and I feel like He has laid out the process pretty clearly to me.

 

But here is what is really amazing me, I am currently doing “Experiencing God” with a group of men. This is my 3 or 4^th time doing this study but it is life transforming every time. At the end of each day’s study you are asked to write down what you think God is calling you to do in response to what He revealed to you during that study. Today I was asked to go back and review what God has been saying to me. Now remember that this goes back and covers more than 2 months and I just became aware of the stuff at church this week.

 

This is what God has been saying to me:

1)                  Surrender and Trust God IS in control.

2)                  Seek God and don’t worry about the results

a.       Pray

b.      Study

c.       Sabbath

3)                  Look for where God is already working

4)                  Simply follow God and trust He is doing stuff through me.

5)                  Walk with God

6)                  Pray more and watch more.

7)                  Relax in His hands

                  Listen to God and do what He says

9)                  Demonstrate my love to God by being more attentive to Him.

10)              Spend significant time with God

a.       Daily – Quiet times

b.      Weekly – Sabbath

c.       Monthly – Day of Prayer

d.      Yearly – Solitude Retreat

11)              Allow God to build my faith

12)              Take a step – one way or another move.

13)              Cultivate a constant state of worship in my soul

14)              Remember God IS doing what needs to be done.

15)              Spend time simply listening to God

16)              Build the staff before building a building

17)              Point people towards what God is doing.

18)              Look for God’s answers – Rely on Him

19)              Let God lead

 

God prepares us!

The church where I am the pastor is facing another huge step of faith. Most of the people don’t even know it yet but we are moving into a time when our faith will be tested and we will be call to act on what we say we believe. It is the Degree all in moment. 

I am scared but excited as I prepare to lead my friends on this journey. God has clearly told me that the process is more important than the answer and I feel like He has laid out the process pretty clearly to me.

 

But here is what is really amazing me, I am currently doing “Experiencing God” with a group of men. This is my 3 or 4^th time doing this study but it is life transforming every time. At the end of each day’s study you are asked to write down what you think God is calling you to do in response to what He revealed to you during that study. Today I was asked to go back and review what God has been saying to me. Now remember that this goes back and covers more than 2 months and I just became aware of the stuff at church this week.

 

This is what God has been saying to me:

1)                  Surrender and Trust God IS in control.

2)                  Seek God and don’t worry about the results

a.       Pray

b.      Study

c.       Sabbath

3)                  Look for where God is already working

4)                  Simply follow God and trust He is doing stuff through me.

5)                  Walk with God

6)                  Pray more and watch more.

7)                  Relax in His hands

                  Listen to God and do what He says

9)                  Demonstrate my love to God by being more attentive to Him.

10)              Spend significant time with God

a.       Daily – Quiet times

b.      Weekly – Sabbath

c.       Monthly – Day of Prayer

d.      Yearly – Solitude Retreat

11)              Allow God to build my faith

12)              Take a step – one way or another move.

13)              Cultivate a constant state of worship in my soul

14)              Remember God IS doing what needs to be done.

15)              Spend time simply listening to God

16)              Build the staff before building a building

17)              Point people towards what God is doing.

18)              Look for God’s answers – Rely on Him

19)              Let God lead

 

It’s hard being a Dad

Things started of fine as I dropped Summer off for her last first day in middle school.  We have done that for years now and so it was nothing new, only a few flitters of excitement. But then I had to take Cole to his very first first day of High school and that was a bit harder; perhaps not for him, but definitely for me. 

 

In my head I knew he would be fine. He would soon see some friends and merge into the culture without much pain.  I absolutely hated it though. I hated being the one who drove him there. I hated being the one who told him when and where to get out of the truck. He didn’t show any signs of anxiety, but I knew on the inside he was dreading taking his first steps into this foreign world full of strangers. Please don’t miss understand me, I know he will be fine, but that in no way lessens the intensity of the fear he was feeling at that moment and I felt like once again I was the one forcing him to go through the pain. I suspect we both knew that it was necessary and that it would ultimately lead to greater gain, but right then it felt like I was the source of the pain.

 

Maybe the whole experience was intensified because yesterday I had to take him to have another brain CAT scan. He is doing fine, but it reminded me of all the times I was the one holding him down when they gave him shots. I was the one who told him it wouldn’t hurt when it did. I was the one who kept saying “I know it is hard, but you need to…..because it will help you get better.” and it didn’t always.

 

It is hard being a Dad. Love motivates you to do what you think is best for your kids even when it causes them pain and makes them not like you so much. 

 

I can’t help but wonder if God sometimes feels the same way. In His perfect knowledge He knows what is really best for us and motivated by love I wonder if sometimes He says “no” to what we want and makes us face things we fear. I wonder if He loves me so much that He makes me experience things for my good even when it makes me anger because I can’t understand. 

 

Hey God, sorry for getting so mad.  I now see I didn’t understand. Really I still don’t understand, but I am trying to trust you. You know me, I will probably get mad again. So pleases know that even when I do somewhere deep inside I still know you love me and are doing what you know is actually best for me. Thanks for loving me enough to do what I need even when I don’t like it or you.  Please help me to be able to love my family like you love me.

 

And God – help all the teachers today.

 Amen